Heartbeat

I had that yearly appointment I prefer to skip each year. If you are a woman, you know what I mean. I always have to gear myself up for this appointment…I mean, I pretty much would want to be ANYWHERE else but there…
I am blessed to have a great doctor, and I can really attest to that because he has seen me through illness and ultimately discovering I am infertile, and then rejoiced with me and my husband when we told him we were adopting.  
Back to my appointment. It is hard to come to this appointment even though I have three children…three healthy children who are dealing with some tough adoption stuff reconciling with the fact that their birthmother, even though she had several chances, could not get her act together to keep them safe.  I can't reconcile that…I'd throw myself in front of a bus for these kids' safety.  
Back to my appointment.  I have a hard time going to the scene of the crime…where I found out that it was my fault we could not have biological children.  There was so much kindness from God in our story…but the moment we found out that we could not conceive…that moment was just filled with pain. I have to mentally prepare myself to go there…to sit with the happy, expectant mothers, with all of the magazines with babies on the covers, with all of the portraits of happy babies, happy moms with babies, happy dads with babies…it's all a reminder that I sat in those chairs hoping to be one of those pregnant moms..instead of the woman who was facing a hysterectomy.
I have been a mom for 7 years…you think being here wouldn't be as hard..and it does get a little easier each year…but the pang still hits me at this appointment…each year.
This appointment's pain took me off guard. I was doing great really. I brought schoolwork to do, (I am a teacher), but left it in the car! No worries..they handed me a ton of paperwork which I took my time on. I used the bathroom…and got called back. Perfect. Short wait time. I had a half hour to wait after getting in my exam room..and then it happened.
I heard something I never heard before.
NO, it can't be.
Yup, I think that's what it was…
I heard the patient in the next room hear her baby's heartbeat. 
I was COMPLETELY taken off guard. I felt like I had eavesdropped on something so sacred and precious…I was amazed at that sound…the miracle of life in the next room that God is caring for in her belly…
IN HER BELLY…
Ugh, that pain took my breath away. I think I stopped breathing for a full 30 seconds…
NO….I was doing so well this year.
I couldn't cry….I knew the doctor would be in any minute. I held it together...and, in fact, it's a day later and I still haven't let it out. 
So, I write. 
I wish I had been there to hear each of my kids' heartbeats as I waited to greet them on their first day of life. I will not get that, nor can I ever go back in time to experience that.  
I can't go back and care for them the way they should have been. I would have fed them, bathed them, loved on them every instant. I would have been tired but so happy to be able to meet each of their needs. They wouldn't grow up wondering if they would get fed. They wouldn't endure what they went through. I would have been a good mom to those 3 infants I never met.  I would have…
God had a different plan. It was beautiful. I still marvel at how it all came to be…but there is still pain.
God is with me in the pain. God is with me in the pure joy that my kids bring me each day. God is with me as I help them through their challenges..and when they are just kids being kids…the good, the bad, the ugly!!
God is with me….with every heartbeat…

A Raging Battle

I am currently doing an online Bible study through Proverbs 31 Ministries.  It is already rocking my world!! The question posed this week is "What other things (besides food) do you currently crave more than God? Ouch….What a great question, because once we tackle our love of food by learning new habits we realize it is a battle for our devotions for God to be stolen by all sorts of things. Food isn't inherently bad. Sweet treats, in moderation, aren't inherently awful.  When food is used as it not intended (in my case to stuff my emotions vs. fuel our body), then there is a problem.  What am I currently craving more than God? My answer would be peace…peace in my parenting, peace in my heart in a challenging financial time, a life of ease.  As a parent of 3 adopted children with unique needs, this not where God has me. When I am bitter about my lot in life, our financial insecurity, my role as a Mommy to these 3 precious children who push my every button and drain me emotionally, I am craving what God does not have for me.  God has a plan. God has a purpose for me. I need to crave God's peace and God's love. No peace comes without that.  I crave a life of self-indulgence, peace and a world that revolves around ME.  I cannot be at the center of my own world and find true peace.  I need to crave God's love and put Him in the front and center. There is a hymn that says "more of Him, less of me"..Yup, that sums it up pretty well. It is where God is at the center, where peace exists…true peace.  May you find peace by putting God first in all you do…and that the other cravings be quieted.

A Creamery, A Bakery, and a Winery..an unlikely place to start a health journey!!

Most people think they have to wait for the perfect time to start something new. As you may have already figured out in life, waiting for the perfect time doesn't usually work out…because something will always get in the way of finding that "perfect time." I can be guilty of that with my marriage. I want to bring up a topic I think may not be received so well with my husband, and I don't because, it's just not the right time….see what I mean? It just is uncomfortable…and getting me out of my comfort zone..it's not that the timing is really that wrong!!

Last year we had sold our home. The buyers wanted to move in immediately because they had been living with family for a long time, and they were ready to have their own place. We really, really wanted to sell, but had no place to go because we were building.  We didn't want to go out of our school district (where I worked and my kids attended), so we searched for an apartment we could afford that would house all 5 of us. (kids aged 7,8, and 10 at the time).  Well, turns out most places won't rent for just 3 months..and none would take our dog. We found a loving family to take our dog while we rented, and we rented a ONE BEDROOM apartment for all of us to squeeze into for the 3 months it would take to build our new home.

Sounds like the perfect time to start a journey to health right? Well, maybe not, but it gets better. This apartment was attached to my all time favorite ice cream shop, and it shared a parking lot with a bakery and winery. Across the street was a pizza shop as well.

Now you are thinking, well that is just plain CRAZY!!  I think these circumstances pushed us right into NEEDING this step toward health.

My husband was working a VERY stressful job that had him working tons of hours, and most of them in his car.  Drive ins were too easy. I had been trying to get the last of the weight I had gained off since a hysterectomy in 2009, and the last of it just wouldn't budge.

It was time for my 40th birthday and my husband KNEW I wanted a big party. (I may have mentioned it to him a few hundred times!), but here we were sqooshed into this one bedroom apartment and he couldn't see how this party would come to be.

He also knew I wanted to get our family healthy.
He may  have seen a few brochures lying around about the program that my friend had lost 86 lbs with..and my other friend over 100 lbs!!

He sat me down and asked if it was unromantic for us to do this program together!! NO WAY!! This is great, my husband is going to do this journey with me!! I knew at that moment this was going to change our lives..and the lives of our 3 kids.

I'm so excited to now be a health coach giving hope to others on THEIR journey.  Paying it forward.

Stay tuned to see how it went for us!!

Here is a sneak peek!

Welcome

Welcome to my blog. It is here where I am going to reflect on getting my family healthy. It is also where I will post encouragement to those also seeking to do the same. So, buckle up and join me on this ride!!!
See sidebar for helpful links on your journey.

*All results posted on this blog are the result of participating in the Take Shape for Life program. All pictures and results referenced come with the following disclaimer:

*Results vary. Typical results are 2-5 lbs each week and 1-2 lbs each week thereafter.